This is a story from a friend,
I look at myself in the mirror, and I ask to her. “Why did you just become sarcastic, procrastinate a lot, and destroy something or not believing to others? Why?”
I recalled my past; that I was a cheerful and bright child, talkative, active, and wonderful. I was always positive. But then, after he came to me, everything turned dark. In the beginning, I was so happy, brighter, and more sparkling. As you knew how it was if you fell in love! Love is exciting! You knew that?
But, he flirted me; and he tried to kiss me in my chubby cheek or forehead. It was so sweet; as I watched on the TV or movies. In the other hand, that was my stupidity, I knew my heart said that; and I perfectly ignored it. That jerk asked for more and more intimacy. I hesitated a lot to him. What the h*ll he asked for?
I said to him, “No, honey. That was not allowed. It’s forbidden. We haven’t married yet,” when he asked for my lips. His whispered some love words into my left ears, such as, “Oh, honey, the love isn’t enough with that words.” He started to have all my stuffs, except my virginity; by the time goes.
And now, after I looked at myself and thought deeply. What it could be done to myself, my mind, and my body? I am starting to have a rude attitude, depression, and destroying my life. I stopped it all, but his shadow and whispers are still clinging here. I am angry with him, with my self, and I am lost.
The thing is, I keep trying to repair my life with joining organizations and activities. However, I can’t be the previous me. I know, I have made my friends, a lot of them, upset. I think, they don’t want to have such a friend like me. I become an introvert person, shy, quiet; but luckily, I still have an academic skill to make a great GPA. Oh, they just don’t know this problems.
I just hide it inside. It is the biggest shame of my life.
To be recovered, I read a psychology journal in trauma healing. It is stated that I have to pass 5 stages to let this sorrow out of my life. Now, I am in the forth phase: depression. I just have to pass the last stage, accepting it.
How do I accept? This is one way for me to accept my condition and my experience. Retell the stories without worry and denial and over-reaction. In addition, I have to talk with God; ask for His forgiveness and blessing. Furthermore, I can spare my time with some close friends and try to have a happy time.
Please, pray for me. Thanks.