How many nights does it take to count the stars? Thats the time to fix my heart.
Realizing that you are not someone important for the one you love is hurt. It is accepting the fact that we dont want to know, yap against our human nature which tends to only see what we want to see. That’s reality, we re often on the edge of these situations.
So the story goes as I met him in an occasion and got along with him. We support each other, we listen to our randomness with sincerity and patience, we walk into the storm together, we work out our solutions towards our challenges, and we dont need a long time to be…
Bestfriend. For each other.
It is one fact we know. But we dont understand, yet.
And I accidentally develop that certain feeling. It is only because he is like a miracle in my life. Changes happen when I meet him. I cant deny that I have special feeling. He just touched my heart with his simple acts. He might feel that I was different to him, yet he just gave a signal not to do more than friend. In the other side, I disagree it unless he makes a confirmation. I think, it is not the end. I keep ignoring the signs, even though I have learnt about symbolism and signs through semiotics in my entire college life. How ironic.
By only being on his side, though I cannot be in his heart, I could live up my days. Live my life with many unimagined things I never experience before. Spend my time with brighter smile every day. I learn to live with this feeling.
Though he tore my heart day by day, well oh it was just me who let him tear me apart. I made a promise to myself that I have to be ready that someday, somehow we would be apart.
It is one fact he doesnt know. But I really understand.
Then, one day he told me that beautiful one. He told me the reason, which makes me dissappointed. He chooses her because she is simple and perfect, physically. Well, he does not admit it yet to her, but he plans to. He will.
So, based on the fact that we are bestfriend, I lied to him, to chase her.
This is one fact I dont want to know. But he understands. And I have prepared all this time, to be apart.
I never count that all of mine
If i tried it would be like
Then, I think again about beyond this infinity. Instead of stopping into the infinity, why would I not go to the Owner of it? Here, my heart and mind tell me something, about what is the real essence about loving people. They remind me about the most sacred love, a love because of God. A love that doesnt have reason, doesnt ask anything, doesnt sacrifice anything, but the devotion to the God. So the human love should not exceed her or his love to Allah. The reason is because human often asks something unreasonable, and only He owns any kind of unrealistic, unbelievable, unthinkable types of love. Moreover, he holds the heart of everyone, every creature in the planets. So He must understand the big puzzle of our lives. Then, I hope I could be patience to love because of Him.
In the past, a friend asked me, “How to love because of Allah?”
I cant satisfy her with my answer.
And now, I just got the right answer